Serendipity

As I trod my lonely path I encountered this self-assured man I asked, “What have you to offer me?” He said, “My Appearance” I said, “Appearance isn’t what I seek” Narcissist owed that for what purpose? I then bump into this effervescent ...

Two Red Indians and an Irishman were walking through the woods.
All of a sudden one of the Red Indians ran up a hill to the mouth of a small cave.

'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' he called into the cave and listened closely until he heard an answering,
'Wooooo! Wooooo! Woooooo!
He then tore off his clothes and ran into the cave.

The Irishman was puzzled and asked the remaining Indian what it was all about,.
'Was the other Indian crazy or what?'

The Indian replied 'No, It is our custom during mating season when Indian men see cave, they holler
'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' into the opening. If they get an answer back, it means there's a beautiful squaw in there waiting for us.

Just then they came upon another cave.
The second Indian ran up to the cave, stopped, and hollered,
'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!'
Immediately, there was the answer.
'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' from deep inside.

He also tore off his clothes and ran into the opening.

The Irishman wandered around in the woods alone for a while, and then spied a third large cave..
As he looked in amazement at the size of the huge opening, he was thinking,
'Hoo, man! Look at the size of this cave! It is bigger than those the Indians found.
There must be some really big, fine women in this cave!'

He stood in front of the opening and hollered with all his might
'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' Like the others, he then heard an answering call, 'WOOOOOOOOO, WOOOOOOOOO WOOOOOOOOO!'
With a gleam in his eye and a smile on his face, he raced into the cave,tearing off his clothes as he ran.

The following day, the headline of the local newspaper read...............

NAKED IRISHMAN RUN OVER BY TRAIN!!

“The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them.”

—Ralph Nichols; author

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest.

After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, 'I'm so sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away.' The distressed owner wailed, 'Are you sure'? 'Yes, I am sure. The duck is dead,' he replied. 'How can you be so sure'? she protested. 'I mean, you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something.'

The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room, and returned a few moments later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom . He then looked at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head. The vet patted the dog and took it out, and returned a few moments later with a cat. The cat jumped up on the table and also sniffed delicately at the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on it haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.

The vet looked at the woman and said, 'I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100 percent certifiably, a dead duck.' Then the vet turned to his computer terminal hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman. The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. '£150!' she cried. '£150 just to tell me my duck is dead'? 'The vet shrugged. I'm sorry. If you'd taken my word for it, the bill would have been £20, but with the lab report and the cat scan, it's now £150.'

Do you have a problem accessing websites at work because of Websense?
Would you like to know how to get around Websense?
No longer allow Websense to get in your way!

Here’s how:

Use an anonymous proxy server

What is an anonymous proxy server?

An anonymous proxy sever allows you to surf the web in private. You can surf the web without leaving a trail of particulars about your computer system, your browser, your IP address, your country, etc. It’s as if you are not there.

Click below for a list of FREE anonymous proxies:

http://serendipity.of-course.co.uk/proxy.html

Once upon a time there lived a king.
The king had a beautiful daughter,
the PRINCESS.

But there was a problem. Everything the princess touched would melt.

No matter what;

metal,

wood,

stone,

anything she touched would melt.

Because of this, men were afraid of her. Nobody would dare marry her.

The king despaired. What could he do to help his daughter?

He consulted his wizards and magicians. One wizard told the king,

'If your daughter touches one thing that does not melt in her hands, she will be cured.'

The king was overjoyed and came up with a plan.

The next day, he held a competition. Any man that could bring his daughter an object that would not melt would marry her and inherit the king's wealth.

THREE YOUNG PRINCES TOOK UP THE CHALLENGE.

The first brought a sword of the finest steel.

But alas, when the princess touched it, it melted.
The prince went away sadly .

The second prince brought diamonds.

He thought diamonds are the hardest substance in the world and would not melt.
But alas, once the princess touched them, they melted.

He too was sent away disappointed.

The third prince approached. He told the princess,
'Put your hand in my pocket and feel what is in there.'

The princess did as she was told, though she turned red .

She felt something hard. She held it in her hand.

And it did not melt!!!

The king was overjoyed. Everybody in the kingdom was overjoyed. !

And the third prince married the princess and they both lived happily ever after.

Question: What was in the prince's pants?

M&M's of course.

They melt in your mouth, not in your hand.
What were you thinking??

Times of India - India
Swati, who designs shoes, recently launched her new range of astrological and zodiac shoes under her sub-brand "Serendipity". "The combination of astrology ...

Check this out .......

http://www.bostondynamics.com/content/sec.php?section=BigDog

Practical Boat Owner Magazine - Poole,England,UK
The alarm was raised by a motorboater who spotted the unmanned 18ft yacht, Serendipity, off the Red Sands Towers, with her engine running but no-one aboard. ...

It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their co-workers.

Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated.

We do, however, realise the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with co-workers.

Therefore, a list of 18 new and innovative 'Try Saying' phrases have been provided so proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner.

Number 1

TRY SAYING: I think you need more training.

INSTEAD OF: You don't know what the fuck you're doing.

Number 2

TRY SAYING: She's an aggressive go-getter.

INSTEAD OF: She's a fucking bitch.

Number 3

TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late.

INSTEAD OF: And when the fuck do you expect me to do this?

Number 4

TRY SAYING: I'm certain that isn't feasible.

INSTEAD OF: No fucking way.

Number 5

TRY SAYING: Really?

INSTEAD OF: What fucking planet are you on?

Number 6

TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with...

INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a shit.

Number 7

TRY SAYING: I wasn't involved in that project.

INSTEAD OF: It's not my fucking problem.

Number 8

TRY SAYING: That's interesting.

INSTEAD OF: What the fuck?

Number 9

TRY SAYING: I'm not sure this can be implemented.

INSTEAD OF: This shit won't work.

Number 10

TRY SAYING: I'll try to schedule that.

INSTEAD OF: Why the fuck didn't you tell me sooner?

Number 11

TRY SAYING: He's not familiar with the issues.

INSTEAD OF: He's got his head up his arse.

Number 12

TRY SAYING: What did you say?

INSTEAD OF: Fuck off and die.

Number 13

TRY SAYING: So you weren't happy with it?

INSTEAD OF: Kiss my arse.

Number 14

TRY SAYING: I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.

INSTEAD OF: Fuck off, I'm salaried staff.

Number 15

TRY SAYING: I don't think you understand.

INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your arse.

Number 16

TRY SAYING: I love a challenge.

INSTEAD OF: I hate this fucking job.

Number 17

TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of that?

INSTEAD OF: Who the fuck died and made you boss?

Number 18

TRY SAYING: He's somewhat insensitive.

INSTEAD OF: He's a twat.

Thank You,

Human Resources